7. Music and Memories

I can hear a song and flash back in time 40 years or more.

‘Top of the World’, I’m in the 2nd grade swinging as high as I can and singing, enjoying the quiet before all the other kids finish lunch and join me.

‘Good Vibrations’  I am in my double digits and listening to the 8 track, copied tape that Charlotte and I put together.

‘Redneck Girl’   I am cruising with Lenny.

‘Endless Love’  We have just said I do and we are walking away Mr & Mrs Lendon Brewer.

‘God of this City’   We are in Grace Baptist Church in Rogue River. Sweet times

In the days and months following Lenny’s departure home, music was often my solace. And songs like: In Case You didn’t Know, Who I am With You,

Last Time For Everything they all spoke to me reminding me of things and precious moments of life I didn’t want to forget… ever.

By August I was constantly typing a new song into my phone. Music stirred my heart speaking the words I needed to hear of life and love. And then Lenny’s birthday came around.

August 18, 2017   10:23 p.m.

How much do I love you? More than even I can comprehend. There is this stirring and longing and sense of incompleteness within the core of me that was filled by you. Your presence, your voice, your texts and touch yet now that spot lies empty. It lies hollow filled only with echoes from the past. 

So now my soul clings to the hope of promises given. I was and am so thankful that my soul was knit to yours. Happy Birthday to my best friend, anchor, co-laborer, lover, my macho-man, my Mr Incredible… my Prince Charming. I love you babe.

August 21, 2017   5:57 p.m.

Sherry, I miss you. Away from you… isn’t where I wanted it to be. Hold on. We’ve got you. Love you babe

August 22, 2017   7:35 a.m.

I really, really, really do love you… And I am thankful we had a lazy morning that last day… 

September 13, 2017   6:13 p.m.

You are the one my soul loves. Your words and presence could rend or strengthen me in ways I cannot fathom. I think maybe that’s the yoking and knitting of two souls. Being together was where we hit our stride. Yet if we had remained where our passion was our world would have been sooo small without room or need for others. Yet when we were apart we were unable to maintain the power we found working together side by side. We always longed for each other. We completed each other. Together we became more than we could have ever become alone. Thank you babe, I am forever changed. Walking toward home and you even now. I’ll be there soon, love you

September 19, 2017   11:19 p.m.

Today I find myself loving you like I always should have. And I feel loved by you still. Okay I am missing your touch but my heart still feels the beat of your own.

September 20, 2017   8:20 p.m.

…my head is shorting. I can’t stop. It’s skipping and stuttering like an old record again. I’m trying. I’m praying. I miss you. I didn’t realize how much comfort and rest I found just nestling beside you babe. I don’t want a queen bed in heaven… ask Dad if we can just have a 3/4. All I want is me there next to you… miss you. Trusting Him.

October 3, 2017   1:37 p.m.

Talking about the Lord and our life together brings me great joy. It always has. Sometimes in the midst of living and serving I would realize I was tired. We were tired. Another day was closing. But any time I stood still, especially when I was by you, I knew love and the blessings of living out this incredible journey with you. I wish I would have shared that with you before you rode off into eternity. I would feel better… I love you and thank God for His wisdom crafting me for you. Forever your babe

October 6, 2017   5:20 a.m.

Sherry, You don’t have to be strong all the time. You have always felt free-er after time alone with God or me. That won’t change… you are out seeking the connections you gained through me but your head injury is going to make it where that ‘running away is still necessary as you have a commitment and a call that will keep you in the mix alot. BUT you have to write the book. Do it my Deborah. Love you babe

 

October 9, 2017   7:13 a.m.

Sherry, We know what the thorn is, just remember Whose you are. Weak made strong. you can’t, He can… share His heart, you have mine.

October 21, 2017   7:57 a.m.

They (our Grace Family) loved us and miss you. Sometimes just knowing you are in heaven doesn’t suffice. When we all long to talk with you and be with you. Dewey struggles, as do Jack, Chris, Tony & I. You loved well. Thank you for breaking through yourself so you could give yourself to me and the children and flock God gave you to grow. I miss you but will be home soon. Please ask Dad for an extra measure of discernment and wisdom. Love you babe and I am so thankful God picked me to share your life and heart.

October 23, 2017   9:46 p.m.

Hey babe. I wish a lot of things but I trust just one and it is not me. In the stillness of being un-busy I find I am more prayerful and relaxed – my mind moves at a sweet, slow pace and even big things don’t overwhelm me. It is the busy-ness of running and squeezing everything in that throws me. Speeding up my mind, while slowing down my processing overwhelming me physically and emotionally. I am in to far at that point. I need the Lord’s help to find boundaries / markers so I am healthy spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically. I am TIRED of being sent back to GO without $200. And maybe I was in a funk at Toltec like you suggested. I am sorry, I wish instead of saying I wasn’t I would have said, ‘Do you have time to tell me why you think that? What should I do different? Would you pray for me?’ But I don’t get do-overs. Lenny you hold every other beat of my heart don’t get too far away. I need you still. I miss you desperately.

November 1, 2017   9:10 p.m.

Could you come home long enough to give me a kiss?

November 3, 2017  It all goes back to music  11:51 a.m.

Take me the long way around your town. Why Me by Blake Shelton.

When I Get where I Am Going.

 

 

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