The 21st of May 2017 was the last time I led worship. For ten years I had been blessed to minister in that capacity. Then two weeks after Lenny passed, God called me to finish the work at Toltec and I followed Him to Valley to mourn, heal and serve.
I have been blessed to work and mentor the youth worship band this past year. But it wasn’t until I was sitting alone with the Lord at the river, after Lenny’s homecoming celebration, that I thought ‘I miss leading others in worship.’
That day the Lord and I had spent a couple of hours in silence… I didn’t need to talk and be heard, just hear and receive direction.
And you know He didn’t say much during that time but He stirred my heart in many arenas and when I rose up I was refreshed. Jesus had been what I needed.
Filled up in Spirit, I packed up satisfied. Thoughts and questions had flooded my heart yet He had given no answers.
And that’s okay. God doesn’t always give you answers He just tells you what little you need to know and asks for blind obedience. That is the ultimate trust-test.
Soooo I went home and went about my week. That very Wednesday Brother James told me that our music pastor, Mark, was going to be gone and he was wondering if I might lead worship that Sunday morning.
Wow! That was quick Lord! I said yes immediately.
Yet if God had not mentioned that into my stillness so recently I might have hesitated…. I might have said no. Why?Because I was scared. I wasn’t scared of singing in front of hundreds of people or with knowing what to sing or about knowing who to ask to sing with me.
The problem was I had actually never led worship with a band, especially not when my head was compromised and I was down to one semi functioning ear. And that is me now today.
As a minister you never want to take away from the heart or Spirit of a service. Never. What if I messed up? Oh I did that.
What if I missed the turn around? Oh I did that too.
What if something unplanned happened? Ohhh like a young lady passing out in the middle of the worship service? Yeah we had that too.
But in the midst of all that… Valley was filled with worshippers and hearts lifted in praise and anticipation. And God did what only God can do and that’s gather imperfect people and create a place to display His Majesty and Glory.
You know, you and I have no idea what a perfect, all-knowing God has purposed or planned for our gifts (and we all have them), our days, our life.
Once again let me remind us all… we don’t need answers. We just need to listen and follow. He just desires and deserves our faithfulness.
So don’t get discouraged when you don’t understand what is going on or what you are supposed to be doing. Just be willing to pray and listen and move as He swings open doors. He isn’t done with you… you are His witness, His servant.
Keep your heart with all diligence, pursue peace with men, pray without ceasing and seek first His face. You are a favored child of the King… Trust His heart.