Sentimental Stupid

I think something may be wrong with me. I like the weather to be super cold and wet. I don’t like being in the sun or weather over 70. I could live off red meat and sugar products. I eat junk and don’t exercise but I don’t have NO cholesterol issues or high blood pressure or diabetes… nothing. Okay my head doesn’t always work but it functions way better than it should considering it’s been hit by a 50-foot tree.

But I just realized that I have other issues.

This wouldn’t be a problem except it actually could potentially be a big problem.

You see I have spent the last few weeks house hunting. This is a totally new experience for me as we lived in parsonages or rented while we were in ministry. Lenny or someone in the church always found a place for us to live… not me. He’d fix it, I showed up after and turned whatever it was into our home.

But now I’m alone. Considering everything, including the next 30 years, and mindful of my funds. So scary…

I have looked at mobile homes, new and used. I have viewed older houses and slightly newer houses all in need of alot of TLC bearing the label investors or renovators dream.

I have drawn up house plans and thought about putting up a metal house. But as this may be my forever nest I don’t want to get something that doesn’t feel like home to me or won’t resale should I decide it’s time to start rotating around through ALL those not so younguns that call me Mom aka Other Mother. (I warned y’all that I wasn’t joking… LOL)

I don’t think I realized how messed up I was until I went to look at ANOTHER older home today.

It was square and sound and even with all the rain we’ve had today there were no leaks anywhere.

However there was also no central heat and air. There were 21 windows to replace. The concrete porch had split and had fallen in. The tub was rusted. The washer and dryer were smack dab in the middle of the kitchen. And a huge black walnut tree stood outside the back door and immediately brought back childhood nightmares of having to pick all of those nasty things up before we could mow.

I saw all that but what I ALSO saw was high ceilings, big baseboards, wood floors underneath that carpet and vinyl. Real wood cabinets and shelves. Large rooms. An old fireplace and those old doors with those aged black handles. Beautiful…

The chipping plaster was irrelevant. I could smell time and I could feel the memories that were made there. I could see dreams realized as people rocked on that porch and looked out those windows.

In the ministry we often landed in somebody’s grandparents home that no one chose to live in anymore. I found it easy to slide in with our dreams make it feel like our home… and start making memories of our own.

As a pulled out today I decided to take a drive to the cemetery.

I was about ready to just put in an offer and move my stuff in as is. But being an adult I opted to pull the realtor sheet out of my pocket because I actually didn’t know any details about the property. ( I’d love to tell you I was joking about that but the reality is I’m not joking I hadn’t done anything but drove by the house and falling in love with it. Yupppp)

Anyway that’s when I read the fine print and disclosures. Lead paint on the inside. Asbestos siding on the exterior.

That should have been a knee jerk – NO WAY am I buying this house. But that didn’t even set me off because I am not scared of dying. Death is a believer’s ticket home.

But then I thought about my grandkids and family and I don’t want to usher them home so quickly. So I reluctantly took my foot off the gas.

I say all that to say this. How do you decide what is right and wrong when everybody has different opinions?

You pray and follow your heart because it’s your life your living. Then you have to be willing to deal with the consequences that come from your choices.

Now I have no clue where I’ll land or what I’ll do. All I know is what I want and that is to find a place I can step into that feels like home. A place that has a song echoing in its empty hall’s. A place to withdraw and rest as I faithfully finish up this incredible journey.

Don’t worry if there’s asbestos I’ll post it on a sign in the yard and we’ll just meet in town to visit. And should I start glowing then you can tell me how sentimental and stupid I am and I won’t even care.

By the way when you go visit your oldest relative or grandparent this Thanksgiving, inhale deeply when you walk in their door. That’s not just a turkey you smell, that is time and memories that took years to make. Memories you will carry forever. Don’t take for granted all the little things that make homecomings and holidays special. Enjoy every step of your journey.

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